Smooth Writing

 How good smooth writing feels! The way I wrote today changed my mood completely. After so many days I felt uplifted and less insecure. Has my muse arrived? Don't know. But I gotta keep going until the finish line. Still a long way to go. So, one day at a time. One page at a time. One word at a time. 

Apart from that the day was nothing special. The recent meditations have been really a mood spoilers. I don't know what the hell is happening with my body. Those pee urges during meditation - and so fucking consistently - are really dominating my mind as a bad meditation spills its bad effects over for the next hour or so. I don't know what to do about it so as Sir said, I will just take it as it comes. Maybe I will get used to it as well.

Ending the day playing FIFA is not the ideal way but it was like a reward for good writing. So no hard feelings there. 

Tomorrow I have an audition. Well it's an open audition so I really don't know how is it going to be. I am kind off excited for it and looking forward to it. Haven't been in the acting groove for quite some months now so also am afraid but it's better to do than be fearful. I am not planning anything until I sense what has to be done there. Also, I hope I don't get to see any known person. And more than anything I hope that if I have to do a scene I get some privacy to do the scene than just perform in front of everybody. But now as I write I feel they might give us all a monologue and we will have to do it impromptu. Eee! Sounds jittery already. let's go, boy!

When Aai asked about my bank balance I sulked back into the usual insecure mode. The fact that it happened so naturally was a bit scary. Now I feel better. Weirdly, I don't know but... do I have a mental health problem? Am I depressed? Feels like it but I don't want to make judgements about serious matters.

To end matters for the day, I would say that let's hope I enjoy what I do tomorrow. And I don't return with an existential actor's feeling after the open audition. Also, I fucking hope that from tomorrow my meditations go back to being normal.

Gosh! I love to type! The sexy sound the keyboard makes when my fingers dance over it gives an inexplicable pleasure. 

I just realised how organized today's blog appears to be. Like one thought after the other. Maybe it's just an off day or a decent beginning to something good.  Don't know. Gotta sleep now. Big day tomorrow. The actor mode is on! However it gets on....

Night.