No Impulse

Anything that you stop doing after a day or two can very easily drift away from you. Is creativity like this? One thing about creating something is that it is not easy. It is like my life: walking in the dark. The ideas come often and then plotting the story line seems relatively an easier option but the primal act of writing...is the toughest to endure. The body has become so accustomed to relaxing, the mind has become so accustomed to drift away that writing a script out of nowhere is a Herculean task. And the less I go at it the more insecure I become. Procrastination can very easily deceive me. 

What a afternoon it is right now: the fan is circling around my head in the room that is cool because of the all night air conditioning; outside, as I stood in the balcony, there is a hot breeze blowing that doesn't make the body comfortable but what kept me standing there, I guess, was the chirping of two birds whose names I don't know and the movement of the plants and trees because of the breeze. The effect of the breeze was soothing but the warm feel of it was uncomfortable. Who stands in a Delhi summer noon in the balcony? I saw that everybody had locked doors and were inside their big boxes doing their mundane chores; wait, I shouldn't judge them, what good am I doing anyway? Creation is the only good that counts, not the good you think, I believe. It is the doing that matters because the doing can be seen and hence valued, but what is being done within you cannot be seen and hence becomes oblivious to eyeballs. Eyes are the most important senses we have. Without them the world would be dark...but not dark from within, maybe. 

Days have passed and what would have been great is i would have had a schedule made to utilize the time in creating something, or at least getting into a routine. But if I had that control over my mind wouldn't my experience of life be drastically different? After I publish this post I don't know what am I going to do. Personally, because I have such a craving to write in the morning and get done with it before afternoon, if I miss that time, the impulse or desire to write goes away. Then it feels like dragging myself to the laptop and type as a compensatory effort. But how will I get to the second step if the first step is wrong? How can I expect myself to wake up at 5 if I sleep at 4!